To Reach Out Or Not To Reach Out

Ever think that maybe you started sending 10 texts too many or called too many times after you guys hooked up? Because that could totally scare some people off, especially if all they wanted was something casual. “This chick kept barraging me, asking me to FaceTime her when I was busy getting drunk,” Jimmy, 27 from NY, recalls. “Then she started sending me pictures of herself holding a baby that wasn’t even hers when I was hungover the next day.” YIKES. That’s actually terrifying. Nothing screams “ please knock me up look at how wifey material I am!” like sending selfies holding random babies to the person you just had sex with yesterday. Hard pass.

4. You Were Rude Or Inconsiderate

Sorry to break this to you, but maybe you weren’t the most thoughtful host? Take it from Mitchell, who literally blocked someone on Bumble and immediately unfollowed him on all social media on the elevator down from a hookup. “I brought over a bottle of wine (sauv blanc that he likes and I didn’t). After we hooked up and got dressed, I was like ‘how about some more wine or something?’ and he said ‘I have some work to do so maybe another time’ and KEPT THE F*CKING WINE. I was in such a state of shock I had to ghost him. There was no other option.” TBH, totally understandable. That guy definitely deserved to be blocked and ghosted and maybe even reported on the dating app for inappropriate conduct. If you’re hooking up with someone, the least you can do is respect them, their time, and their effort… or offer them mamba to take back the wine they bought you took three sips of?

5. The Sex Was Bad

“While it’s certainly possible to be ghosted by someone who didn’t enjoy the experience, I wouldn’t necessarily assume that’s always the reason,” says Orenstein. But… sometimes it is. “When I finally hooked up with my secret crush for months, his dick was SO small and he lasted about four pumps,” Kayla, 28, remembers. “After, he gave me his number about 7 times and told me to hit him up, but I really just pretended to put it in my phone while calling an Uber at 6am.” SAVAGE. On another note, Nick, 31, ghosted a chick he met off Tinder after they went on a proper date. “The next time we hung out, she invited me over to her parents’ house (I could hear her parents talking the whole time). She made me watch a sh*tty romance movie then gave me a handjob while staring in my eyes the whole time. I was so freaked out. I was like, 26 years old and the girl gave me a handy and never took her eyes off me. So awkward.” LOL. 1) do people really give handjobs anymore? and 2) she probably read too many sex tip articles that suggested making more eye contact. Poor sis. Fatal mistake in this case.

You’re over debating what happened and you want the truth. Do you send them a text seeking closure? Or let it go and wonder WTF happened for the rest of forever? “As personal as it can feel, getting ghosted rarely has anything to do with you and everything to do with them. While there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to seek closure or understand why someone ghosted, consider that this person may not be able to provide you with a satisfactory answer,” says Orenstein. That said, if you’re dead set on reaching out to them, she recommends sending a simple message that asks for clarity surrounding the situation. But before you decide to reach out, wait until it’s clear that you’ve actually been ghosted, “meaning they ignored a few texts in a row or they stood you up on a date.”